Defections tend to be one-day wonders. An awkward photo op with your new party leader. Thirty minutes in the limelight at prime minister’s questions. And then oblivion. Seldom to be seen or heard of again. Take Christian Wakeford. By all accounts a decent enough bloke. But can you remember anything he has said or done since he jumped ship to Labour? He’s just another backbencher. Albeit one with some explaining to do with the constituents who elected him. Likewise Dan Poulter. He was barely seen in the Commons when he was a Tory MP. Don’t expect that to change much as he serves out his time as an opposition backbencher before stepping down at the coming election. Labour must have been hoping that Natalie Elphicke would follow a similar trajectory. Another embarrassing day for the government. Tories wondering if the game is up if Rishi Sunak can’t even keep the rightwing headbangers in his party on side. It hasn’t quite panned out like this. The reverberations of Nat’s defection have continued into a second day. And the embarrassment is almost all Labour’s. Anneliese Dodds, the chair of the Labour party, must have known she had drawn the short straw when she was allocated to the morning media round. It must have been so tempting for her to have phoned in sick. Instead, she took one for the team. Keir Starmer owes her a stiff drink. Anything to blank out the memory. Normally it’s the Tories who crash and burn on these occasions. Today it was Labour’s turn. A totally self-inflicted wound. Starmer could have told Elphicke: “Thanks, but no thanks. We appreciate your offer but don’t think you’re quite the right fit. Why don’t you sit as an independent for a while to process your feelings about the Tories properly? Maybe join Labour in six months’ time when you’re ready.” Then the party might have claimed the moral high ground and still banked the win. Instead, it got greedy. So there would be no tame questions on the Today programme about hospital waiting lists growing again. Nothing on the Ministry of Defence failing to protect the data of its personnel. Nothing on Nadhim Zahawi stepping down to spend more time with his tax return. Instead, Dodds faced a full 10 minutes on Elphicke. If she had any coherent answers I must have dozed off. Amol Rajan warmed up with a few matters of fact. Was Elphicke now a member of the Labour party? Dodds didn’t seem entirely sure though she assumed she must be. She was sure all proper processes had been followed. So how did she feel about Elphicke’s Damascene conversion? It was a miracle, Dodds said. One of the modern wonders of the world. She couldn’t understand why so many people were so sceptical of Elphicke’s motives. Why was everyone so keen to bring up her remarks about Marcus Rashford? Her devotion – step in line, hissed Nadine Dorries – to Boris Johnson. Her constituency letter of only last week in which she rubbished Labour. All these were merely signs of false consciousness. Some childhood trauma she had yet to process. For deep down, Nat had always been Labour though and through. Dodds leaned closer to the microphone. Labour was a changed party. It was open to everyone. Bring me your thieves and gamblers. No one would be turned away. That’s odd, observed Rajan. Because you forced Labour’s North of Tyne mayoral hopeful, Jamie Driscoll, out of the party for sharing a platform with Ken Loach. And Diane Abbott is still not allowed back in despite having apologised for her antisemitic remarks. It rather looked like there was a double standard. You could be as rabidly rightwing as you like and be welcomed, but there was a higher bar for those on the left. Dodds panicked. Unsure what to say except the default non-answer. She couldn’t say anything about Abbott because the investigation wasn’t complete. Did it really take a year to complete the process? It was a very thorough investigation. Hmm. Rajan moved in for the kill. Of her husband who was found guilty of sexually assaulting two women, Elphicke had previously only had kind words. He was charming. Attractive to women. Really? I remember him as the previous Dover MP. He seemed utterly charmless and unappealing. Nat saw things differently. He had been trapped by these women. He wasn’t really guilty. Was someone with so little empathy for victims of sexual assault really the kind of MP Labour wanted? To be fair to Dodds this question should have been put to the Tory party years ago. Nat’s support for her husband is nothing new. But maybe everyone has lower expectations of the Tories. Sexual assault is no big deal in Toryland. She was just being a loyal wife. Family values. But Dodds had no answer at all. There was no place for this kind of behaviour in the Labour party. Except there is now. Was that the time? Dodds had places to go, people to see. Starting with her therapist. Nat was seeing hers. In the afternoon, she was strong-armed into an apology. Later in the programme, Gillian Keegan sounded elated by Elphicke’s defection. Couldn’t believe they had finally got rid of her. Too toxic even for the Tories. Just another 150 or so more to go and she would have her party back. What the education secretary really wanted to talk about was free speech. Which is odd because Sunak is actively working to shut it down. Say what you like about David Cameron, Theresa May, Boris Johnson, and Liz Truss, but at least they could handle scrutiny. They welcomed all lobby accredited hacks to their public speaking events. Not Rish!. Rish! can’t handle being made fun of by some sketchwriters. He is too thin-skinned. So he limits the number of reporters from each media organisation to just one: the political editor. In the last 12 months I’ve only been admitted to one event. Democracy in action. Meanwhile, almost nothing was happening in the Commons. It seldom does these days. The government has almost given up doing anything. Just wasting time before the election. Even Penny Mordaunt looks washed up. She used to use her weekly Thursday session at business questions as her personal leadership campaign. To remind Tory MPs what they could have had. Might have yet. But today, even she looked beaten. Flat. Her jokes died on her lips. Her heart wasn’t in it. This must be the end of days.