It was all a bit underwhelming. On the plus side, there were few signs of nerves as Humza Yousaf took his first first minister’s questions in the Scottish parliament. But nor should there have been – he’s been a senior minister for five years and has had plenty of practice at batting away awkward questions. On the downside, there appeared little spark. Little enthusiasm. No desire for change. He looked knackered. This could have been almost any FMQs from the past few years. Nought’s had, all’s spent, where our desire is got without content. Fair to say this hasn’t been the easiest few days for Yousaf. True, he did become Scottish National party leader on Monday, but the contest was a great deal closer than he would have liked. Time was when the SNP didn’t think 52% to 48% a proper margin of victory. He would have liked something more convincing. A mandate of which he could boast. That all was well in the good ship SNP. Now it was clear that almost half the party thought the leadership needed a major change of direction. Nor did his attempts to unite the party go exactly to plan. Kate Forbes predictably told him he could stick his offer of a demotion to rural affairs where the sun don’t shine. Yousaf merely played dumb. Feigning surprise, while continuing to pack his cabinet with his own – and Nicola Sturgeon’s – supporters. He fooled no one. Least of all MSPs in his own party. There will be trouble ahead. But FMQs ought to have been an opportunity for Yousaf to make his mark. Not just to reach out to the far corners of the SNP but also to Scotland. To spread his vision for the country. What he planned to do differently. Instead we got a reprise of all Sturgeon’s old hits. Close your eyes and it could have been Nicola herself. Only she would have delivered it with more charisma, more conviction. Yousaf was more of a gabbled AI ChatGPT programme. Within seconds of the start, we got the first interruption by climate protesters. This has become a habit, with at least eight previous FMQs having to be temporarily suspended to clear them from the public gallery. On Thursday, though, they were hellbent on causing greater chaos. Seven times proceedings were halted, until the presiding officer called for the public gallery to be cleared. Only after interventions were schoolchildren and Yousaf’s family allowed back in. The charmless Conservative Douglas Ross finally got things under way. Not even bothering to welcome Yousaf to his post. Predictably, he focused on Yousaf’s croneyism. In what way was he governing for the people of Scotland when he had done away with a minister for social security and replaced her with a minister for independence? And why was his entire cabinet stuffed with his old muckers?
A better question might have been why he now needed an NHS recovery minister. Presumably because the previous health minister had been so rubbish. That minister being Yousaf. He ended by cataloguing the SNP MSPs who thought Humza was a bit rubbish. Several SNP MSPs hastily averted their eyes. Yousaf merely went into a scripted rant about how all of Scotland loved the SNP, how it was only false consciousness preventing unionists from backing independence, and how there were no divisions within his party. The SNP had never done anything but govern responsibly: it was the rest of the world that was out of kilter. Somehow this wasn’t very convincing. Labour’s Anas Sarwar narrowed attention on to mental health services for children. Yousaf again argued it was somebody else’s fault. Turns out that the Pavlovian response of all governing parties is to shift the blame. It was a blessing when the session ended. South of the border, Keir Starmer and Rachel Reeves were in Swindon to launch Labour’s local election campaign. Which had some people wondering when the Tories were going to launch theirs. After some investigation, it turned out they already had, the previous Friday, only the Tories had not bothered to tell anyone. Certainly not the media, and not even their own MPs. There were just a few people hanging around in a circle wondering what they were doing there. An exercise in futility. Form for form’s sake. I guess they aren’t expecting much on 4 May. Reeves got things under way by praising Jim Robbins, the leader of the local council’s Labour group – no flies on Rachel: nine years previously, Ed Miliband had come unstuck by having no idea who the Labour leader was or that the Tories controlled the council. Then Starmer gave a brief stump speech. If Labour was in government now, it wouldn’t put up council tax next year. But when it was in government, it couldn’t promise anything. Brilliant. Make promises you can never be held to. He did develop a nice line in Rishi Sunak as Mr 1% – an attack that has legs – but it was all a bit perfunctory. No one seemed to have their heart really in it. Then again, it was that kind of day. Sunak chose to launch his energy strategy by merely recycling a whole load of half-arsed proposals that had already been announced. That’s about as green as Rish! gets. He gives the impression he isn’t that committed to net zero. His highlights were extending the heat pump scheme – he hasn’t realised they aren’t effective in 80% of the country’s homes – and encouraging people to build their own nuclear reactors in their back gardens. What could possibly go wrong? Down in Westminster, work had almost come to a halt. Most MPs had bunked off home for recess a day early. Even Thérèse Coffey couldn’t summon the energy to insult anyone in departmental questions. Though her stupidity is hard to disguise. We’re now supposed to be thrilled we have a new trade deal with Canada and Mexico that means we can import beef mainlined with steroids. Meanwhile, the water bosses are free to set their own bonuses for pumping sewage into the sea and rivers. Happy Easter to everyone planning on a visit to the beach.