Finally. Finally we have a fully functioning opposition: one united behind a leader in whom they – almost – all believe. Keir Starmer might not have imagined a near-empty and silent chamber for his first outing at prime minister’s questions, but in a way it played to his strengths. For 45 minutes the usual Commons bear pit was transformed into a quiet courtroom drama, with a top QC up against the government’s junior barrister. A no contest, master versus pupil. Starmer is never going to set the world alight with grand gestures or the passion of his oratory. But what he does bring to the job is intelligence and a forensic attention to detail. He doesn’t just read his six prepared questions, he listens to the answers and adapts his follow-ups accordingly. Neither does he raise his voice or get rattled: rather he adapts his tone to the occasion. And he was near enough note perfect. After a brief reassurance that he would be seeking to support the government wherever possible during the coronavirus emergency, Starmer got to the heart of most of the country’s concerns. The health secretary had promised 100,000 tests a day by the end of the month and as of yesterday had managed just 18,000. How on earth did the government imagine it was going to reach its own target? Filling in for the absent Boris Johnson, Dominic Raab made the mistake of imagining he could go toe-to-toe with Starmer. Unfortunately the beta blockers he had taken to make him appear even-tempered had rather dulled his mind. We have the capacity to do 40,000 tests, Dom replied, and in any case the UK was going to ramp up its testing regime exponentially in the next eight days. If true, that would be remarkable, as Raab would have committed the government to a target of more like 400,000 tests a day. “I didn’t need correcting,” Starmer observed, nearly managing to keep the irritation out of his voice. Matt Hancock had promised 100,000 tests, not the capacity to do 100,000 tests. So the government was well behind its own targets. There was no point in setting up testing centres in places where NHS and care workers who suspected they were ill could not get to without travelling on public transport, risking infecting other people. Starmer then asked if Raab could give the exact number of NHS staff and care workers who had died in the pandemic so far. He couldn’t. But then neither could Helen Whately, the social care minister who is actually paid to know these things, in yet another disastrous media round earlier in the morning. Quite why No 10 insists on repeatedly sending out ministers whose only discernible ability is to know nothing about anything is one of the least investigated side-effects of the pandemic. “I’m putting you on notice that I’ll be asking the same question next week,” said Starmer. “Hopefully you will be able to answer it by then.” I wouldn’t count on it. Instead, Raab wittered on about how brilliantly the government had been doing, given the circumstances. You’d hate to think what the death rates would have been if the government hadn’t been quite so brilliant, given we are on target to overtake the Italians and the Spanish. Starmer merely ended with a warning. The UK had been slow to react in almost every respect. He made it sound like the opening address for the prosecution in the judge-led public inquiry that will inevitably follow when the pandemic is over. Raab had good reason to look worried. Most of the rest of PMQs took place with MPs dialling in remotely. And given that it was only the first day, the technology worked more or less OK, with only David Mundell failing to connect. As for the others, the chamber was treated to eight large TV screens of Ian Blackford, Peter Bone and Barry Gardiner. Which felt like seven too many. One of most MPs is usually more than enough. Matt Hancock appeared rather more at ease with himself during the statement that followed than he had at the No 10 press briefing the day before. Maybe he’s had time to reflect on the fact Dominic Cummings has lined him up as the government’s fall guy and has concluded he’s better off out of such a poisonous atmosphere. Que sera, sera. Even so, his statement wasn’t without its oddities. Most notably when he said he was going to repeat his five pillars. Only to unexpectedly add a sixth. It wasn’t clear if this sixth was to replace one of the others that had since crumbled, or whether it was genuinely a new addition. On the whole, ministers like to keep things in fives as they think that makes them look in control. Six of anything is a symptom of woolly thinking. Though maybe he was just building up to seven pillars of wisdom in time for Ramadan. The official advice is for those over 70 to continue to self-isolate at home, but nothing was going to stop Jeremy Corbyn from appearing in person. Even though he didn’t have anything to add that couldn’t have been said remotely. Still, good to know that Rebel, Rebel can still stick it to the Man. What we didn’t find out though, was why the permanent secretary to the Foreign Office had suddenly remembered that the evidence he had given to the select committee the previous day about the UK’s decision not to join an EU procurement scheme had actually been completely wrong. You could almost feel Classic Dom’s gun in Sir Simon McDonald’s back as he wrote that retraction. Still, come the inevitable reckoning, the one thing we can guarantee is there won’t be a show trial. With Starmer as leader of the opposition, any trial will be the genuine article.