Every opposition leader has to accept there are days when they are going to have to suck it up. That the government has got it more or less right over the previous week and the best they can hope for from prime minister’s questions is to come out with a score draw. And what with the vaccine bounce and the collapse of the European Super League within 48 hours of its announcement, this Wednesday could have been one of those days. Only Keir Starmer chose to carry on where he had left off last week by homing back in on sleaze. Not only is it the Tories’ achilles heel, it’s a topic that plays well to his inner lawyer as he can build a case gradually over the course of his six questions, and come the close of play Boris Johnson was reduced to waffle and theatrics. Whether any of it made any difference was another matter. The Labour leader began with the latest allegations. Was it right for the billionaire James Dyson to text Johnson to secure a special tax rate for his employees in return for manufacturing hospital ventilators and for Boris to reply “consider it fixed”? Johnson looked genuinely confused. As if he couldn’t see what the problem was. The country needed ventilators, Dyson was happy to make them if the price was right, so no harm done.
“I make no apologies,” Boris said, apparently oblivious both to the possibility that some billionaires might want to come to their country’s aid without the need for a tax break, and to the fact that other manufacturers without access to his mobile phone number would be operating on less preferential terms. In Johnson’s narcissistic world, everything is transactional. There is no situation in which the rules cannot be broken. Starmer tried to spell it out for him. What about all those working for Liberty Steel whose jobs were under threat from the collapse of Greensill Capital? What about the 3 million self-employed who slipped through the net of the government’s coronavirus bailout? And what about the NHS nurses who had been offered a below inflation pay rise of 1%? Would any of them have been treated better if they had a hotline to the prime minister’s mobile phone? “The prime minister is fixing tax breaks for his friends,” Keir said in winding up. “The chancellor is pushing the Treasury to help Lex Greensill, the health secretary is meeting Greensill for drinks, and David Cameron is texting anybody who will reply. Every day there are new allegations about this Conservative government: dodgy PPE deals; tax breaks for their mates; the health secretary owns shares in a company delivering NHS services. “Sleaze, sleaze, sleaze, and it’s all on his watch. With this scandal now firmly centred on him, how on earth does he expect people to believe that he is the person to clean this mess up?” It was an attack that would have had some prime ministers cowering in shame, but Johnson was more startled anyone had noticed than concerned that he and other members of his government were acting improperly. After all, the whole point of being Boris was that everyone knew you were a chancer who cut corners, so doing a favour for an old mate was all in a day’s work. Rules were for the little people. Though he did neglect to mention that none of the ventilators Dyson had made were actually approved for use in UK hospitals. Details, details. Further calls of cronyism made by both the SNP’s Ian Blackford and Labour’s Anna McMorrin were also casually swatted aside. While opposition parties were sweating the small stuff of due process, he was out there taking the big decisions. And the thing is he really believes in his own exceptionalism. He is a borderline sociopath. His failures are forgotten – all his government’s mistakes in the early months of the pandemic have been airbrushed out of history – as we are bade to celebrate his successes. We’ve even reached the point where Boris openly laughs about his lies. In one answer to Labour’s Karl Turner he made fun of not being “a stickler for accuracy”. There was a time when ministers apologised for misleading parliament: now it’s a badge of honour. Johnson left the chamber with a wide grin on his face. As well he might. Under another leader, the Tories might be struggling in the polls. But cronyism is priced into Johnson’s party. Starmer and Labour may have the moral high ground but it’s a lonely place to be right now. They can talk about sleaze all they like, but if nobody’s listening then what’s the point?