Call it coronation fever. An inexplicable urge to dash home and cover everything with red, white and blue bunting. Call it local elections fever. That time of the year when politicians head for their constituencies to declare the council to either be the best or the worst in the country. Or maybe it’s just that the reputation of prime minister’s questions now precedes it. The last few PMQs have been excruciating for all concerned. Whatever the reason, the Commons was sparsely populated for this week’s session. And most of those who did show up soon wondered why they had bothered. Not that Keir Starmer didn’t try to make the occasion worthwhile. As in previous weeks he had found a Tory bruise and kept punching it, but Rishi Sunak has become more and more evasive, refusing to answer any question he is asked. There was a time when Rish! first became prime minister that we were led to believe he was a different order of leader to Boris Johnson and Liz Truss. This, it seems, was a category error. Maybe there once was a decent Sunak, but that man has long since been corrupted by the desire to keep himself and the Tories in power. We started with a correction. But no apology. Like Johnson before him, Rish! feels under no obligation to say sorry for anything. Labour’s Stephen Timms asked him to amend the record. Last week he had said there was a record number of people in work. This was untrue. Rish! shrugged. It was just a fog of words. Last week’s bruise had been the cost of living. This week’s was a variation on the same theme. How many homeowners had had their mortgage payments increased as a result of Liz Truss treating the economy as a casino? It never does any harm to remind Sunak it was his party and his government that had wrecked things. He usually likes to pretend he had nothing to do with Boris Johnson or Truss. “Everything is going just fine,” Rish! insisted, deliberately ignoring the question. Everyone was happier than they had ever been. And anyone who was feeling a bit depressed should pull themselves together and snap out of it. First-time buyers were writing to him every day to thank him for making houses so unaffordable. They appreciated being kept on their toes. Er … said Starmer. If Sunak wasn’t going to answer his question, then he’d do so himself. The answer was 850,000 people would be paying higher mortgages. Would he care to have a guess how many more would be worse off by the end of the year? He wouldn’t. Instead, Rish! channelled his inner Boris – it gets easier with practice – and went full-on delusional. People had never had it so good. Food price inflation was just a figment of the imagination. Consumer confidence was sky high!
Again, the Labour leader was left to answer his own question. Another 900,000 would be more broke by the end of the year. Starmer tried again. He knew the prime minister was a bit out of touch, what with his non-dom issues but how long did he think it took the average person to save £9k for a deposit? For a moment Rish! was tempted to answer because he did know the answer to this. A couple of hours at most. Because that’s how long it took him to earn £9k on his investments. Instead, he muttered nonsense and sat down. Starmer helped him out. It would take four years and cost the same as heating his private swimming pool in North Yorkshire.
Now it was Sunak’s turn to say the Labour leader was out of touch. Heating a swimming pool, especially one his size, cost way more than that. Imagine not knowing a basic cost of living fact like that. The rest of the exchanges disintegrated further into an exercise in futility. Just how Sunak likes it. Rish! accused Starmer of concreting over the countryside and not appealing to the nimby spirit. Far better for people to go homeless than for some Tory voters to have the view from their living room blighted. He went on to refer to Greg Hands’ favourite note by Labour’s former Treasury chief Liam Byrne, written in 2010 and proclaiming “I’m afraid there is no money”. Imagine being so out of ideas you can’t let go of a line from back then. Starmer merely observed that the Tories would be leaving a far longer note when they left office. A decent gag, Sunak looked stung. Keir ended by inviting Sunak to share his gratitude to the king and late queen. Sod them, sneered Rish! He wasn’t bothered about them. He had his closing “vote Tory” speech prepared. God save the country from potholes. If Labour had done this the Daily Mail would have gone into meltdown over the snub to royalty. You couldn’t make this stuff up.