Imagine. A prime minister’s questions where the prime minister actually answers the questions. Where ideology and policy are debated in a relatively civilised way. There was a calmness. Without sneering, bombast or diversion. And only the odd one-liner putdown. It probably won’t last. But it was a refreshing change while it lasted. Liz Truss arrived in good time for her first PMQs and took her place between Penny Mordaunt and Thérèse Coffey. Other new cabinet appointees, including the big guns of Kwasi Kwarteng, James Cleverly and Suella Braverman, squeezed in as close as possible. To see and be seen. The Tory backbenches – minus Rishi Sunak, Dominic Raab, Grant Shapps, Boris Johnson and other possible Liz refuseniks – were packed, though relatively quiet for a new leader. Hardly surprising, perhaps. Most of them had thought other candidates would be a whole lot better. Hadn’t we all?
With the Tories already committed to Labour’s plan of imposing an energy price cap, Keir Starmer focused his questions on who exactly was going to pay for the bailout. Could Truss say categorically whether she was planning to impose a windfall tax? Weirdly, she could. She was more than happy to rule one out entirely. Starmer appeared rather taken aback. He was used to dealing with Boris Johnson, who had never knowingly given a direct answer. Or engaged with policy. PMQs was just pure theatre for the Convict. A forum for point scoring and getting cheap laughs. Truss was entirely different. She really did seem to believe all that mad stuff she had been spouting at the Tory leadership hustings. It hadn’t been just a pose to fuel the wet dreams of some moribund Conservative members. She actually was more rightwing than Margaret Thatcher. Even Maggie had imposed a windfall tax. Just to make sure he had heard right, the Labour leader repeated himself. So what Librium Liz was saying was that she was more than happy to commit the UK to borrowing billions of pounds more than strictly necessary and for the public to pick up the tab, rather than asking the energy companies for a penny more. Even though the energy companies had openly admitted they had more money than they knew what to do with and were quite relaxed about a second windfall tax. Truss just kept going and going. Imposing higher taxes was a mortal sin. What people wanted was more of their money in their own pockets. Here her logic – never her strongest suit – failed her. She didn’t seem to realise that a windfall tax on energy companies would be allowing people to keep more of their own money in the long run. Details, details. On and on. It had categorically been proved that the trickle-down economics of lower corporation tax boosted investment. Er, it hadn’t. George Osborne’s failed maths had long since been discredited and France, with a much higher corporation tax rate, had attracted more foreign investment than any other European country for three years running. “There’s nothing new about Labour putting up taxes,” Librium Liz declared. The Tory benches, which up till now had been half-hearted in response to her wooden delivery, now erupted. As if she had just said the funniest, cleverest thing imaginable. As if they had now been given proof that their new leader was capable of thinking on her feet. This was something of which they had never dared dream. She couldn’t just talk in complete sentences when she applied herself! She also had advanced AI! A sense of humour switch. Or something like that. Mind you, they had said the same about Theresa May at her first PMQs when she did a Maggie impersonation. And that hadn’t ended so well. Starmer merely smiled. He hadn’t exactly shone on his first outing against Truss: it was tougher than he had thought being burdened with the expectation of now being the leader with charisma after years of being the boring one. But he would get better. And Librium Liz probably wouldn’t. Besides, he could live with a score draw if that’s what it was. He had got his points across. And being on the side of taxing Shell and Amazon was a hill he could die on. After all, most of the country would join him on it. That was just about the best of it. No Tories asked the traditional tame questions wondering why the new prime minister was so brilliant. Their constituents are all far too scared of the cost of living crisis; a price cap is the least anyone expects and even that may not be enough for millions of people to eat and heat. But there was a doozy from May. How come the Tories had had three female leaders while Labour had had none? Be careful what you ask. The reason there was a third was because the Tories had unceremoniously dumped the second one a few years ago. And on current form they could be heading for a fourth in 12 months’ time when the novelty of Librium Liz’s incompetence has worn off. Truss struggled to explain how she could be trusted to deliver. After all, she has been in cabinet for the last eight years. During which you’d have thought it might have occurred to her she was supposed to be delivering something. She also ticked off a Labour MP for talking down the country by saying the NHS was on its knees. Odd. Most of us could have sworn Liz had spent the leadership hustings saying the NHS wasn’t working. The Speaker brought the session to a close. The Tories breathed a sigh of relief. Truss hadn’t been as awful as they had feared. But then, everyone gets a free, honeymoon pass for their first PMQs. Starmer even walked over to Librium Liz to exchange a few words. To congratulate her on surviving the ordeal. Something he would never have dreamed of doing for the Convict. But next week may not be quite so friendly.